Stephen Does The Math On Manafort's Jail Time

Gepubliceerd op 14 mrt. 2019
It's hard to keep track of all the crimes for which Paul Manafort has been charged and convicted. Stephen breaks down the math.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

Reacties

  • 2:20 I’d rather have an emergency order grounding HIS MOUTH!!!

  • I heard a retired Boeing employee say she was glad she took her pension in a lump sum payout.

  • Why do I ABSOLUTELY die laughing when Stephen F***s up the monologue. He's a treasure!!! Stephen Colbert 2020!

  • Black ant ( carpenter ) went to the White Hose, red ant followed, to put the stings in everything that The United States of America stands for, which building the White House on SHAMEFUL demoralized democracy.

  • hhg

  • Sorry but it's impossible for me to laugh about hundreds of people dying in two very recent, tragic air disasters. This is an instance where I'd just beseech Colbert, "please don't go there."

  • eminem = rap god colbert = improv deity(which is like six gods and a shit ton of supernatural beings)

  • Never trust anybody who so damn sure of himself as this guy who claims Trump is so sure of himself. What are you doing to improve things mister late night show hosts no David Letterman mr. Arrogant know-it-all don't deserve say your name to improve things for America other than complain and criticize. You take political criticism to an all-new low.comedians in the past ultimately maintained a level of respect if not for the president than the presidency which requires a certain amount of deference in keeping with the spirit of our election system and Trust in the voters who in God they trusted. This cynicism and criticism serves no purpose. I think liberals AR kind of losers. In 20 years mr. Colbert when you're facing a t and then 30 if you make it to facing 90 and you look back at the videos of your ranting and raving against Trump juxtaposed to the Legacy he will inevitably leave in history you will be eating crow well into your crotchety years and then how will you feel will you feel so smug so smart the same goes for your audience so automatically laughing. This is true for the other night light show host but especially for you Mr Colbert your witty and funny and smart but you're cynical

  • 858 Canadians were offended by your making fun of them.

  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 7: Leatherface Gets Community Service

  • like how you double downed on that 3 day magazine joke.. ffs fire youe writters

  • 4:54 can we just take a minute to recognize there are people who use wheelchairs instead of walking because walking causes problems for them (In my case, every step, my tendons act like tiny wire saws that cut through the cartilage of my femur where it joins the hip. I CAN walk but if I keep walking I won't be able to for long.) I'll use a wheelchair to go around the supermarket and get my shopping. I will stand up out of the wheelchair to reach things on a high shelf then sit back down again. when I get home I might not even use a wheelchair. I also won't take any shit about that from anyone who doesn't have little wire saws in their hips cutting through the bit that stops their bones from grinding into each other when THEY walk, because they don't know what they're talking about. I'm not saying Manaforte isn't a cretinous ass who thinks people in wheelchairs just want (and deserve) sympathy instead of fewer staircases, more ramps and less staring. I'm just saying can we lay off on jokes about people who use wheelchairs who can still walk and stand if they have to? You don't know their story and it's rude to go up and ask, so if you see someone in a wheelchair stand up, just leave it be and file it under none of your business and go about your day. Cheers.

  • Australia is fake .......ok I'll stop

  • I hope for poo poopers in the gardenia

  • We don't say "aboot", it's more like "abow-oot" quickly.

  • Hahaha, Colbert is a riot!

  • Just being a temporary coffeeboy, PM managed to break quite many regulations. Or was he a covfefe boy?

  • Too soon

  • haha hes screwed

  • Stephen = certfied Canadian....

  • He gets out in 2 years or less. Calling it right now.

  • Trump: "we didn't have to do this. We could have delayed it, or we could have done nothing at all." I knew it. This clown, even when faced with a relatively easy solution, will make it sound like he made a brave choice as to not appear like he's taking the advice of counsel. The inferiority complex of this guy is staggering. I am surprised that he hasn't bought a massive pickup truck just to do burn-outs out of High School parking lots.

  • Not everyone who uses a wheel chair can't stand or walk, sometimes they just cant do so reliably. And I HATE IT when people try to use Wheelchairs to garner sympathy, they affect everyone who actually needs to use them.

  • Two plane crashes and the 737 max 8 is grounded for "safety reasons" but try to stop white supremacists from shooting up mosques and the USA implodes...

  • I miss the old Colbert

  • "Bed-u" 😕

  • lol I hope they put Trump in prison and force him to watch only Steven Colbert 24/7.

  • Well that's the full story, 300 words. And now for the adverbs and adjectives. Ah ha, the magic 800! Copy boy!! Been there, inflated that.

  • P.s. Totally wrong with the Canadian impression. Ever been to Toronto Montreal or Vancouver? No beavers or moose about.

  • Can't believe you joked [in length] about 2 Boeing max 8's that went down. Almost 400 dead. WTF?

  • some people get more jail time for possession of a couple of grams of marijuana... money talks.

  • PLEASE don't (even for the funny) push the idea that people in wheelchairs can never stand. Lots of truly disabled people are able to stand for short periods at need, as long as they have the chair to collapse back into afterwards. The issue is that able-bodied people THEN try to claim they therefore have no need of the chair - or the disabled parking place - at all.

  • Remember when in high school we learned how math was going to be useful one day? And now 19-24 years plus another sentence of a certain amount of years equals 7 years in prison? What happened to math? If you have one body how can you serve two sentences at the same time?

  • I've had a theory that comedy & comedians don't really care about anything or anyone. Is it possible that they're laughing at the deaths of hundreds of people in 2 plane crashes, at least indirectly?

  • Love the show. Just a quick note though -- it is ableist to make jokes about a person in a wheelchair being miraculously cured if they stand up. More than 80% of people who use wheelchairs are capable of standing and walking, but use wheelchairs to improve overall mobility.

  • Lol Hillary Clinton's served two countries at the same time she didn't get jail time

  • Wow it's pretty racist talking about Canadians like that

  • Lock 'im up!

  • Not funny, just Un-Subscribed; and I'm not sorry.

  • I'm offensive and I find Stephen's impression very Canadian.

  • Love the Colbert calculator.

  • I believe Bill Maher called Manafort’s sentence reduction a “white guy discount”.

    • Artem Bentsionov That's hilarious. Good for Bill! 👏👏👏👏

  • Its not nice to make fun of Canada and Canadians. At least I dont think it is and if I am wrong please forgive me.

  • i really love the calculator part

  • absolutely love when stephen makes a blunder, laughs at it, and keeps it moving. Such a fantastic host.

  • Grounding the planes is the only thing trump has done that I agree with

  • colbert is still funny even when he messes up the punchline!

  • Asante Sana Stephen !! Thank you for putting some hilarity in our lives! Much needed in these times. As we say in Kenya your show is Poa Sana (very awesome)

  • Sorry, but stereotyping canadians like that is just a blindside hit, no dowt! Sorry. Like my pet moose wouldn't hava donnybrook with a beav unless it was just hosed eh bud. Like just beauty hosed too. Sorry! Gad, this just gets me steamed, eh! Sorry, i gotta go fer a rip and have a dart to try and cool my jets. Sorry. Thanks fer chattin boot us eh!

  • 😂🍻

  • Oooohhhhh, that burn. That. Burn.

  • This program is not very funny anymore.

  • It is ironic that the video clip of Trump has him sitting in front of a sculpture of two of the iconic Yellowstone National Park animals that his environmental policy is threatening to drive to extinction.

  • As an Australian, it makes sense that Americans make fun of Canadians. Canada is their polar opposite: polite and respectful.

  • 7:46 funny! That's karma for hackin on everyone else. Lol

  • Jokes aside, I'm grateful that "agent orange" did atleast one thing right for a change. Ps - @colbert, please stop making fun of Canadians. Your continual stereotyping of them is no longer funny. Not all Canadians are nice/polite people. They're human too. Just saying.

  • While Colbert and writers are hilarious, completely inappropriate on the crash comments. Off limits guys, off limits. There is much comedy to find that doesn't involve lost lives. Please stop.

  • Trump is all of a sudden so concerned with the well being of Americans?

  • Love the calculator skits and also the Melania sketches. Need a bit of practice with your singing skills and when you lose it, this little old lady from downunder laughs out loud in a world where there is so much hatred.

  • ... If he'd quit talking without explaining why he did it, he'd have done a good job...

  • What sort of person makes fun of a malingerer in a wheelchair? Colbert: Hold my cold beer.

  • There is no war room.... DOJ used to be called DOW (department of war)

  • Fake Jail time. Its a suspended sentence

  • Uh I

  • ... you can need a wheel chair and still be able to stand or walk under your own power for a brief period of time. I'm not saying this is Manaforts deal, but there are many people who need wheel chairs who are not completely incapable of walking.

  • Les Miserable. The French Revolution is an act of God.”. The plot of Les Misérables begins in 1815 when the main character, Jean Valjean, is released from a 19-year prison and hard labour sentence for stealing a loaf of bread.

  • Trump's hair is like he's wearing a hair-helmet: IT IS SO STRANGE AND WEIRD! Never ever do this at home kids. Stay safe!

  • I think I might want to die in a plane crash rather than watch Infinity Wars again. What kind of ending was that???

  • This show sucks, always the same crap about Trump every night for 2years. .

  • Colbert has revealed his mental issues after the American people elected Trump president.

  • Darn, perfect "Windows Update" joke opportunity missed there considering all the screw-ups they have caused.

  • I'm not authorized to say we have a learjet to Belize, engines running on standby, on 3 different local airfields. Costs 10.000 thousands of Dollars a day. All for a total witch hunt and fake news!

  • 7.5 for all that stuff when half of it should have given him 24... bullshit.

  • There isn't a damn word in this clip about Manafort, you idiots.

  • AVE had a good discussion about the Boeing Crashes if anyone is interested in the technical side

  • I looked through the comments to see if anyone shed light on the "faux pas" moment (at 7:45); in case anyone else was similarly curious, buried in a thread on the comments from below was this take by "drangus": _"He messes up the line and says either f**k or s**t."_ That seemed obvious, but may be helpful for clarification. (I'm not a lip reader, but seems it was the second four-letter-word.)

  • why isnt hillary in jail for selling american secretes to who knows who why, why would you want bill who was getting a head job when running the country, and his wife who is failed estate agent and would sell you and america to the chinese , germans, russians, she would in flame wars every where, the middle east would of been another bush bullshit storey of weapons of mass destruction, are you people serious. we got rid of head job bill , bull shit bill, gay couple obama , and sell outy hillary who loves wars, and who wanted to get rid of puttin, but she meet her match with puttin. and thank you russia for cleaning up america. we need more. Americans are fucking dick heads, thank god russian loveS there children.

  • 7.5 years still isn;'t enough for that piece of shit. Down with the 1%!!! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!! Support AOC!!! Vote Bernie Sanders!!!

  • Not all people in wheelchairs are unable to walk, you know. Some can stand. Some can stand, but only for certain period of time because of the immense amount of strain it takes, and they would rather use a chair than use crutches/braces/canes because, again, of the amount of strain. It doesn't make them any less "wheelchair worthy" or mean they are "pretending" to need one.

  • stephen colbert is not a tiltdown man

  • As a Canadian it's always fun to see Americans trying to get into it. Canada has been sold out for so long, to Americans first, it took the rest of the world banning these aircraft before Canada decided to go along. If our current political regime wasn't already deep in criminal controversy, they probably would have just kept doing what Americans said. I hope this less than efficient aircraft re-design and the fraudulent efforts to cover it up become the news, not just political posturing.

  • SDNY is kinda like The Incredible Hulk. When the sentence came down they transformed into the angry superhero. "Your Honor don't make me angry. You won't like it when I get angry...🤣🤣🤣

  • Entering the courtroom in a wheelchair then when told to stand up he does it without assistance? Did a mafia crime boss come back to help manafool?

  • During Stephen's bit about the reporter creating fill for his nothing story assignment I had another one of those Colbert attacks where I was laughing so hard it hurt. One of these days Stephen's going to give me a heart attack.

  • Is it just me or have we as humans become desensitized to the loss of life? Hundreds of people died, ceased to exist, and they're making jokes? Compare this to 30-40 years ago...

  • Too soon

  • SMH????

  • New York!!!!

  • Stephen is the funniest man on TV....on NL-tv!

  • As far as I know conspiracy carries a minimum of 10 years last time I check! And at the federal level they don’t even have to prove it is enough with a person saying u did it, when drug related but this is treason.

  • Thank you again comrade SC for another unbiased piece of sugar coated far left activism.

  • Best late night monologue I've seen in a while

  • Water Protectors and an independent journalist got more time than Manafort , without committing any crimes, but for PEACEFULLY DEMONSTRATING the endangerment of OUR AQUIFERS, and the journalist covered that news. There is NO real justice this country. BUMMER.

  • You have to Love New Yorker . Bloody Hell Steve Munchin? Head on him like a Robbers Dog.

  • As a Australian , I fly on plane , but only if its QANTAS.

  • 👍👍👍👍👍Ahhhahahahahah

  • You can count on your Mama on it?

  • Collusion Report: No Collusion found. End of report. Money wasted 10 Billion.

  • I have to think that Stephen's Roman Catholic petticoats are showing!

  • Whelp, guess mercury is rx, even Stephen is human. Just like the choir. Yeah!